As well as bad, there are so many happy times and good times. I think of laughing with you, so hard that I couldn’t breathe, like at the McDonalds drive-in when you asked for a ‘fruit shoot’. I always used to think I am so, so lucky to have a Mum that is so funny and that can make me laugh harder than anyone else. Like a best friend or a soul mate as well as a Mum. Going for late night walks around Tesco and going on drives through the countryside and going “the long way”. When I used to travel down from wherever, seeing you coming out of the car and running to you and squeezing you so hard and you squeezing me back! Watching films and crime TV series in the living room sitting on a mattress against the chair, making comments about how stupid the people were to leave their fingerprints(!) And lounging your bed whilst you sat at your computer singing really loud or scrolling through Facebook. Or scrolling through the news. Or on Google searching for the dream dictionary. Asking me to take photos of you because you wanted a “new profile picture”. Hearing you talk about your Nan and Grandad. Talking about college. Talking about the bungalow and Ipswich. You would express everything. Being able to see your creativity and your fun. I remember you told your brother that seeing me was the brightest moment of your day whilst you were in the hospital. Holding your hand until the end. Feeling your warmth and your soft skin. Being able to hear you say “love you” as your last words. Your existence and your presence is going to be with me every single day and for that, I am grateful and although I cry, I can still smile.
